I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
