The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
