Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
