if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
