so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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