I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
