Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
