its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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