Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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