It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
