Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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