tonight lets celebrate not being married
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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