I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I checked into jail on foursquare
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
