I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
