my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Randomize
