how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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