I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
