Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
