even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
