Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
