hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
