i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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