i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
