Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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