So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
