I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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