I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
