Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i think i just lost a toe
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
