My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
