remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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