I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
