he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
