your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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