whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
