I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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