I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
