He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
