omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
