I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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