Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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