I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
