Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
