I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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