Me. At least after what I've been through.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
