im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
