Where did you get a picture of my penis
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
