can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
