guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't turn off my feet"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
