dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
