toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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