Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
