is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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